The 24-Hour
Bad Super-Hero
Movie Marathon
Endured By Jonathan Vankin
iFuse.com - Popculprit
Aug. 26, 2000 NOTE: This was another entry in my series of "Thwack!" columns for iFuse.com. "Thwack!" was my bi-weekly column on comics that ran of the iFuse.com "PopCulprit" site from Nov. 1999 until the dot-com downturn caught up with iFuse in October, 2000.
With this summer's slam-bang box office success of "X-Men," and next year's "Spider-Man" a damn near sure thing to duplicate or top it, Hollywood's long-brewing comics-to-screen explosion now appears set to really blow up, megabudget style. A "Fantastic Four" script by Chris "Home Alone 2" Columbus has been knocking around Hollywood for, well, ever. (The problem, reportedly, is getting the budget under about $300 million, too much, apparently, even for evermore extravagant Hollywood).
"X-Men" scripter David Hayter recently took over screenwriting chores on the refusing-to-die "Incredible Hulk" project and Artisan Films has a "Captain America" project somewhere in the pipeline. Warner Brothers just green-lighted a live-action adaptation of "Batman Beyond" (technically, not a comic-book adaptation, but close enough) and still has hopes for restarting the "Superman" franchise (while the hoped-for Nicholas Cage version is going through its 8 billionth rewrite -- and we've confirmed that number -- a new, expanded edit of the 1978 Christopher Reeve epic, possibly to be titled "Superman 2000" may yet come out this year).
We were encouraged by "X-Men," actually. It seemed pretty faithful to the comic and respectful of its source material. That's something Hollywood has not often been able to boast. The history of superheroes on screen is not a happpy one and if the past is prologue, "X-Men" to the contrary, all of us with a place in our hearts for these characters had better be ready to have bypasss surgery. A trip back through time, to review some of the big screen's comic book travesties of the past, provides a cautionary tale. Yes, Thwack actually went back and fried our eyeballs on some of these abominations -- so you don't have to.
In general, we found a few faults that recurred in most of the superhero flicks of yesteryear that we suffered through, er, VIEWED ANALYTICALLY. Most offensive, natch, is the compulsive tinkering with the material. Yes, we understand that film and comics have different storytelling requirements, but why exactly do you make the Red Skull -- the quintessential Nazi bad guy -- an ITALIAN? But he was, in the 1992 version of "Captain America," produced by '80s schlockmeister Menahem Golan, the mogul behind such Reagan Era classics as "Death Wish 3" (and "4" for that matter) and "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo," as well as Thwack!'s own personal favorite, "Revenge of the Ninja." Such senseless alterations abound in comics-to-film adaptations.
The other major flaws in the superhero flicks of the past have been: a) they're just plain cheesy and b) they're just plain dull.
Back in the '70s, after the Bill Bixby/Lou Ferrigno "Hulk" TV series had its run of decent ratings, TV took a stab at a few other Marvel characters and those made-for-the-tube fiascos exhibit flaws a and b in excess. Case in point: the 1978 attempt as bringing one of Stan Lee's more interesting and macabre creations, "Dr. Strange," to the small screen. Words cannot describe how godawful boring this movie is. But the cheesiness factor is at least good for a few laughs. Most any movie with Jessica Walter as a female psycho, a role she initiated in Clint Eastwood's "Play Misty For Me" and reprised many times throughout her career, is guaranteed to have a rather high fermented curd factor. But when she plays a female psycho who's a 1,000-year-old evil sorceress -- stand back! Add in a guy named Peter Hooton portraying the master magician Dr. Steven Strange while sporting a '70s perm. Now THAT'S strange (ba-DUM-bump!).
By some accounts, the "Dr. Strange" pilot never became a series due to protests from Christian groups who weren't keen on the story's occult angle. But we suspect the real reason is, it just sucked.
As did the TV version of "The Amazing Spider-Man" (though not quite as bad) which aired the year before. Starring TV character actor Nicholas Hammond who played Peter Parker as sort of a golly-gee Jimmy Olsen type, this Spider-Man did, in fact, spin off (get it?) a TV series that lasted all of 15 episodes in the 1978-79 season, as well as two more Made-for-TV movies.
In the same vein, and in the following year, came not only a rancid Made-for-TV version of "Captain America" but a SEQUEL to a rancid Made-for-TV version of "Captain America." The sequel, "Captain America II: Death Too Soon," had the distinction of being directed by Ivan Nagy, best known as the aging boyfriend of "Hollywood Madam" Heidi Fleiss and something of a legendary Hollywood sleazebag himself.
Neither of the small screen Captain Americas had anything to do with the aforementioned Golan production, which died a quick box office death. Other than an Italian Red Skull (heck, at least they didn't make him British) the film had a few distinguishing features. While rumor has it that the in-development, Artisan Captain America could cast Tom Cruise as the star-spangled superhero, this 1992 version starred Matt Salinger, son of reclusive novelist J.D. Salinger. Frankly, we found the younger Salinger a bit too Crispin Gloverish to play our most macho costumed patriot. We especially enjoyed the plastic ears protruding from Cap's cowl. And our jaw dropped in astonishment when Red Skull actually addressed Captain America as "Fly Boy."
Perhaps the most curious example of superhero sabotage that we witnessed in this movie marathon, Thwack!'s personal, private version of "Survivor," was the never-released 1994 version of "The Fantastic Four," produced by Hollywood's king of low-budget exploitation, Roger Corman. Allegedly, the film was canned shortly after it was in the can at the insistence of Columbus, who was then just germinating the notion of a big (very big) budget "FF" epic. Made on a budget of just $2 million and starring a bunch of people you never heard of, the Corman "FF" is available only as a bootleg video, which enhances its shot-in-Super-8-by-a-high-school-kid quality. There's sort of a neat special effect when Johnny Storm does his "Flame On!" bit, but he only does it once. As bootlegs go, this one is fairly easy to find, if you really want to subject yourself to it.
DC Comics characters have fared somewhat better. The 1989 Tim Burton "Batman" set a standard for superhero adaptations and created a franchise that Warner Brothers quickly squandered with such insipid sequels as "Batman Forever" and "Batman and Robin." The first Batman was clearly the inspiration for the 1990 Made-For-TV movie "The Flash," which used theme music by "Batman" composer Danny Elfman and employed a dark, moody set design straight outta Burton. Of course, the comic book Flash (unlike Batman) had never been especially dark. But what the hell? If it was good enough for Batman...
Unfortunately, while "Batman" grossed over $250 million and currently ranks as the 14th highest-grossing film of all time, the formula didn't work quite as well for the "Flash" TV series, which lasted just one season.
Believe it or not, we viewed all of these videos over the course of 24 hours. And we're still looking forward to next year's "Spider-Man."
